Whiskey Through My Veins
by JaggedHands
Summary: Amanda and Olivia are heading to Atlanta for a conference. What Olivia learns about the blonde's past is not what she expected.
1. Chapter 1

**This is the first chapter of three, maybe four. It's going to be graphic, violent and raw so if that bothers you, please reconsider reading this fic.**

Whiskey Through My Veins

Chapter 1

Amanda didn't want to go. She didn't want to go at all but it was the captain's orders and she had no authority over the matter and she knew better than to try and talk Craigen out of it because a lot of questions would surely be asked as to why she didn't want to go. Besides, it was a conference for all female Special Victims Unit Detectives so sending someone else as her replacement was out of the question.

Olivia was going. As far as Amanda knew, she was already packed and ready to go, not really bothered about flying down to Atlanta and spending two nights in a five star hotel. Olivia probably thought of it as a holiday rather than a work related business trip but for Amanda it meant going back to her roots, her old town, her old precinct, her old squad and her old deputy chief, Charles Patton.

She had two hours before Liv would pick her up but she just couldn't find the motivation or the energy to pack her bag. Clothes and toiletries were scattered across the bed, just waiting to be neatly folded and placed into the suitcase but she felt as if she was frozen to the ground, thoughts overwhelming her senses and her whole demeanor changed from reluctant to almost panicky.

"I can't do this." she said out loud to herself, running her fingers roughly through her blonde hair as she struggled to contain her racing heart and her laboured breathing. "Yes, I can. Yes, I can." she repeated and began to pace back and forth in her currently messy bedroom. "I can do this, I can. I won't let him ruin this. He probably won't even be there. It's only for female detevtives, I'll be fine."

She made another attempt to start packing her belongings but she didn't bother to fold and wrap them in a tidy manner and, instead, just shoved it all into the bag and closed the lid. "Done." she muttered and made her way into the kitchen so she didn't have to look at the suitcase anymore and to distract herself from the reoccurring thought of actually unpacking it, telling the captain that she had suddenly fallen ill and was unable to go.

Her stomach was unsettled, uneasy and churning. She hadn't been back home in Atlanta one single time since she moved to New York nearly two years ago. She hated the place and there was nothing there for her anymore. Her mother and sister still lived there, of course, but she had no interest in contacting them during her stay. Her family usually meant trouble and she didn't want to get dragged down to their miserable level and their drama. She was better off just cutting all ties and bonds with them, once and for all, to keep herself from getting hurt.

Two days. That was all. Just two days and she would be back in New York again and this conference would be behind her, in the past, done and dusted. Just two days. She had no choice but to get through it, to grin and bear the coming couple of days so she could finally breath easier when it was all over. Just two days.

"Just two days." she thought out loud, rubbed her palms over her pale and tired face and leaned up against the kitchen counter, arms crossed and deep in thoughts. Something brown and shiny caught her eye and, turning her head to the side, she spotted the bottle of whiskey she had bought just a few days ago. It was already half empty or half full, depending how you look at things, and she decided that one drink couldn't hurt. Besides, it might even help her relax and feel a bit calmer about this situation she was currently in.

She poured herself a substantial shot of the liquor and drained the glass in two large gulps, feeling the burning of the spirit as she swallowed, the slight sweet aftertaste that coated her inner cheeks and the bitterness that followed. It was her favourite drink and she always tried to keep a bottle of it in her cupboard for stressful and daunting situations like this. She poured another, not thinking too much of it at the time, but after a third shot of the whiskey she began to feel slightly woozy and dizzy and that's when she knew she had to stop before it got out of hand.

There was a knock on the door and she then realized that she must've been standing by the kitchen counter, numbing her senses and the time had somehow picked up speed. Olivia was here. Quickly she put the glass into the sink and tucked the bottle away, into the very far corner, hidden behind the plates and cups so Liv wouldn't notice it. "It's open." she called but approached the door anyway as the brunette slowly stepped inside, a slight smile on her face.

"You ready to put your feet back on your southern turf?"

Amanda obviously didn't find it funny or amusing at all but let out a nervous chuckle anyway. "Something like that." she took a deep breat to clear her head. "Let me just grab my bag and I'll be right back."

Inside her bedroom she felt her heart rate pick up and her face began to burn from the alcohol she had consumed and she rushed into the bathroom and splashed cold water onto her heated skin to cool it down. Looking in the mirror she wasn't happy with what she saw but there was nothing she could do about it now.

"You okay, Amanda? We kind of have to go."

She heard Liv call from the hallway and she straightened up, wiped the water off her face and took a deep steady breath. "Yeah, I'll be right there." she shouted, exited the bathroom, grabbed her suitcase of the unmade bed and walked towards her waiting colleague. "Let's do this." she muttered and locked the door behind.

The plane was full and, of course, the two women had their assigned seats next to each other. Amanda by the window and Olivia in the middle while a stranger was seated by the isle. The whiskey that the blonde had so greedily gulped down earlier was no longer in her system and she was almost desperate for another few drops. When the air hostess asked if they needed anything Amanda was quick to order herself a double and then looked towards Olivia to see if she wanted anything to drink.

"I'll just have a diet coke, please." she smiled politely and then turned towards the blonde next to her. "A double? Wow, you're starting early, Rollins." she chuckled as she tried to get comfortable in the cramped seats, her long legs bent and her knees pressing into the chair in front.

"Just leave it." Amanda snapped without even looking in Olivia's direction, her eyes focused on the white fluffy clouds out the window.

"Okay." the older woman answered calmly, so calmly, that it annoyed Amanda even more but swallowed her words before they could escape.

"I'm sorry." the blonde muttered. "I just don't like to fly." she lied and gripped her fingers so tightly around the armrest that her knuckles turned white and bloodless.

"It's okay. A lot of people are afraid of flying, which is quite understandable since you're thousands of feet up in the air and have no control of the situation." she stated matter of factly. "It causes your brain to run rampant and your heart begins to pound out of your chest."

Finally Amanda looked into Olivia's dark brown eyes. "Gee, thanks. You just made me feel so much better." she rolled her eyes but turned her gaze back towards the sky line, watching another plane in the far distance sailing through the clouds.

"Hey," came the gentle reply. "It's gonna be okay. We're gonna land safely on the ground, don't worry."

Amanda held in a sudden gasp as she felt Olivia's large warm hand cover her own one resting on the armrest between them. The contact made the small woman's heart flutter and her skin to burn under the soft touch and she couldn't find it in herself to pull away, but instead, she let her gaze wander from the window towards the two hands.

Just as she was about to thank Olivia for the reassuring words, her drink was suddenly handed to her and she had to let go of the comforting and grounding touch. Her hands shook as she held the precious liquor, threatening the amber content to spill if Olivia hadn't been so quick in her actions and circle her own hand around Amanda's clutching digits.

"Easy." she soothed and guided the glass towards the blonde's pink lips and after two large sips, Amanda pushed the drink away, placing it on the fold out table in front of her. "Better." Liv asked, her brows raised and a slight smile played in the corner of her mouth.

Amanda didn't trust her voice at the time and nodded instead, afraid that she would sound shaky and unsteady if she spoke. "Good." Liv said softly, leaned her head back, closed her eyes and relaxed back into the, highly uncomfortable, seat.

About a half hour later, the alcohol had made itself at home in her veins and she stated to feel sleepy and foggy. Her eyes drifted close, her breathing slowed down and evened out and her head began to unwillingly droop to the side and came to rest on Olivia's shoulder, now fast asleep.

The senior detective popped one eye open as soon as she felt the soft pressure on her upper arm and she looked down at the blonde tresses belonging to Amanda, smiled before she, once again, shut her eyes and drifted off into a light slumber.

Amanda woke up, startled, as the plane hit the ground. Her head bounced from Olivia's shoulder and her face turned completely red when she realized that she had fallen asleep on her coworker's shoulder. _God, I hope I didn't drool on her._ She thought as she straightened up, throwing the brunette an awkward glare.

"Don't worry about it. I'm happy that I could be of some assistance." she chuckled and tried to stretch her legs out, feeling the pins and needles in her feet from sitting in the same position for so long.

They hailed a cab to the hotel so they could check in and get rid of their luggage before heading out for a late lunch. The conference didn't start until five and would only last until seven but tomorrow was an eight hour long day of sitting inside a, probably, too cold and too bright room, bunched together with strangers and listening to boring lecturers.

The captain had booked their hotel and must've, knowingly or unknowingly, set them up in joining rooms. It didn't bother them since they still had the privacy of their own separate rooms. The only thing was that the door between them wasn't locked and could be left open if wanted or needed be.

As soon as Amanda entered her room, she spotted the mini bar and the urge to have another beverage was strongly pulling at her. She had no idea if the alcohol was included in the price or not and didn't want the captain to end up with a sky high bill in a few days time so she decided to leave it alone. She could drink downstairs in the hotel bar where she could pay her own way without being worried about Craigen finding out.

There was a knock on the joint door and Amanda yelled at the brunette to come inside. "Nice room." Liv stated, amused by her own humour as her room looked exactly the same.

"Yeah, it's the most expensive hotel in Atlanta. I don't know how the captain got the all clear to book us in to such a fancy place." she explained while hanging up a couple of shirts and blazers on the hangers provided and placed them in the wardrobe.

"Well, I'm not complaining." Liv stated and sat down on the perfectly made bed. "Know any good places to eat, Rollins? I'm famished."

The blonde shrugged and thought for awhile. "There's a couple of good restaurants not far from here. It's about a ten minute walk, we can try one of them."

"Lead the way!"

They ate mostly in silence, only exchanging vague details about themselves and their personal life. After working together for nearly two years, they didn't know much about one another especially Amanda who was always professional and rarely spoke about herself, her past or her family. Olivia couldn't help but to feel slightly curious about the blonde sitting in front of her and she had this strong pull to get to know her better since they were currently visiting her hometown and where she grew up.

"Does your family know that you're gonna be here for a couple of days?" Liv carefully asked as she sipped her water, the late lunch already consumed and they were now forced to speak to each other since they were no longer busy eating.

"I didn't tell them I was in town. Besides, we'll be too busy with the conference so there was no point letting them know really." she shrugged and picked at the remainder of her pasta dish that she didn't even eat half of.

"You still have some free time after we finish tomorrow or even friday morning, since we don't fly back until noon." Liv suggested. "You should let them know you're here."

"I said, there's no point." Amanda snapped back at her. "Can you please just drop it." her tone was more harsh than what she had intended but she couldn't stop the words from coming out and now it was to late to take it back.

She watched as the older woman raised her hands in a resigned manner and how her lips were pressed tightly together and drawn into a thin line. "I'm sorry, it's none of my business." she calmly stated and rested her elbows on the table top. "Wanna head back to the hotel? I think I need to freshen up a bit before we're forced to huddle up in a room full of strangers."

"You go ahead, there's something I have to do. I'll get the bill." she said in a serious tone, her eyes never meeting Olivia's as she spoke. She had to be alone for awhile, to get her thoughts and feeling together and to clear her head from the reoccurring images and memories of her former deputy chief Charles Patton.

"Are you okay?" Liv cocked her head to the side and narrowed her eyes, studying the petite woman intensely, waiting for an answer. "I'm sorry if I upset you."

"It's okay, you didn't upset me. I'm alright, thanks." she stood up, fished through her wallet and placed the money on the check they just recieved, enough to cover the tip as well. "I'll see you in about an hour." she was gone before Olivia could utter another word or try to stop her from leaving.

Amanda went to the only place she knew would help her ease some of the stress and anxiety, the casino. She had promise herself not to ever go down this road of gambling again but, considering the current circumstances, she felt as though she was somehow allowed to break her rule. Just this once.

She headed straight towards the Black Jack table, sat down and placed her bets, hoping for a winning hand. She ordered herself a double whiskey, drained it almost immediately and asked for another. The place was buzzing, even though it was still quite early in the day, but her mindset was now completely calm and foused. The noises around her were all too familiar, this was the usual spot she would go to when she decided to try her luck at gambling and, all too many times, she had lost and was deeply in debt. The past year she had been happily deabt free and she would not sink into that rabbit hole again.

The sheer thrill and excitement of it all caused her blood to surge and flow faster in her veins, her heart beart would pick up speed, her senses magnified and nothing else mattered but the cards in her hand and a whiskey in the other. It was like she was made for this, made to gamble, made to live on the edge and not knowing if she would be completely penniless walking out through the grand double glass doors, spotless and shiny from the daily maintenance. In here, she became alive.

Time flew by in a different speed and manner and before she knew it she was running late to the conference. The urge to just skip it all together, to stay exactly where she was and gamble the night away, was more appealing to the blonde but she knew better. If she didn't show, she would never hear the end of it and she would probably lose her job for being irresponsible and for not following orders. She walked out of the large pristine building with a hundred bucks less, than what she had when she entered, a heavy and pounding head and a damaged self esteem.

There was no time for fixing hair or make up, not even a short trip to the bathroom was possible so she had to hold it until the first break, if there was one. As quiet and smoothly as she could, she slowly opened the big wooden door that led into the conference hall and was stunned to see the room packed and nearly every seat taken. She swiftly slipped inside, still holding onto the door, when she suddenly lost her grip on the handle and the loud noise it made as it slammed shut caused every head in the audience to turn her way.

Mortification didn't even cover it. She swallowed nervously and quickly tried to find an empty seat amongst the massive crowd and spotted one near enough to the isle but close to the stage and she had to try her hardest to hold her head up high as she determinedly made her way to the vacant chair and sat down.

The person who was currently speaking was a middle-aged man, well dressed and confident when it came to holding speeches. It didn't surprise Amanda that a man was hosting an all woman conference, and especially here in Atlanta where a lot of people were old fashioned, set in their ways, thinking that a man would probably do a better job at speaking in public, than a woman.

As the man kept going on and on about how important it is to try and relate to each victim in their line of work, she discreetly looked around the room to see if she could spot Olivia anywhere. Looking behind her was not an option since she had drawn enough attention to herself by being late and for making a dramatic entrance, and she gave up trying to find her coworker and, instead, tried to focus on what the man on stage was actually saying, when her heart suddenly stopped.

Her blood turned into ice and her breathing seized for a moment before she had to remind herself to actually inhale. Her previous rosy cheeks had now turned into a shade of pasty grey and cold sweat was beginning to bloom on her forehead and upper lip. Only a couple of rows in front of her, she could now easily make out the face and posture of her former boss and and superior officer. It was Charles Patton, the man she hated, the man who wa the reason for her transfer to New York, the man who took something from her, something that could never be returned or restored. Her dignity and self preservation.

His profile stood out from the crowd. He was one of few men inside the hall but Amanda couldn't care less if he was a man, woman, animal, an alien or some kind of hybrid. To her, he was a monster, a predator and a vile creature that took advantage of his higher position and his authority, to rob other's from their self worth and their sanity.

The man on stage could be speaking directly to her and she still wouldn't have noticed. She was that scared, shocked and completely taken by surprise by his presence and she didn't know what to do with herself or the situation at hand. She thought about storming out of the room and not look back but decided against it, since she would only cause more drama and focus on herself again. The only thing she could do was to sit there, her eyes fixed on the monstrosity of a man that, once again, seemed to have a hold on her, a vice grip of evil that he represented and possessed and there was nothing she could do about it.

Olivia, who was sitting about six rows behind, had immediately noticed Amanda coming through the door, face flushed, hair slightly toussled and seemingly disoriented. She frowned as she spotted her coworker's disheveled looks and followed her with her gaze as she took the vacant seat. It was not more than a minute later that she saw the blonde's face turn ghostly grayish, almost white, and how her demeanor changed from flustered and bothered to rigid and down right terrified.

She watched the petite woman curl into herself, head down but her eyes never leaving whatever or whoever she was staring at. She tried to make out what her eyes were focused on but, since she didn't have a clear view, it was nearly impossible. Her own senses were on high alert, her cop mode kicked in and she knew that something wasn't right. She wanted to ask Amanda about it but now was not the appropriate time and she had to wait until they got a break or until the end of this boring man's speech.

After almost ninety minutes, Olivia knew that the wishful opportunity for a break wasn't going to happen and she now had to wait for another thirty minutes before she could get to Amanda. It was the longest thirty minutes in her life and she couldn't help but to think if Amanda felt the same. As soon as the middle-aged man finished his informative speech, she watched as the blonde stormed out the room, bumping into random people as she ran, her face looking even more deathly pale than before.

Hot in her heels, Olivia chased after her, saw the blonde running into the toilets in the lobby area of the hotel and followed suit. Upon opening the door she could instantly hear the sound of vomiting and, since all the toilet stalls were open except for one, she knew that it had to be Amanda.

"Amanda, honey? You okay in there?" she asked, worried for her colleague's health.

"I'm fine." came the hurried but weak reply and Liv heard the toilet flush as the blonde stepped out, her face now covered in a light sheen of sweat, her hands shaky and her legs didn't seem to be able to hold her own bodyweight.

The brunette rushed to her side, supporting her by the elbow while she roped an arm around her waist, leading her to the sink. "You don't look fine. Amanda. What happened in there? You looked like you had seen a ghost for the past two hours. Did something happen?"

Amanda wormed herself out of Olivia's gentle hold, immediately missing the secure and warm contact, turned the tap on and rinsed her mouth. "I'm fine. Nothing happened." she mumbled, wiping her face with a paper towel and tossed it in the trash.

Before Liv could ask anymore questions or probe deeper into the topic, Amanda was already heading back out and Olivia had no option but to follow. She was worried and confused about what had happened before and inside that room. Leaving the blonde to her own devices didn't sit right with her as her instincts told her that something was up.

She caught up with the younger woman but accidentally bumped right into her from behind, not noticing or paying enough attention, to see that Amanda had stopped dead in her tracks, her whole body, once again, stiff and rigid and her face ashen. Before her was a man that Liv had never seen before and she could tell straight away that she didn't like this guy by only judging his exaggerated smile.

The man grinned from ear to ear, eyes burrowing deep into Amanda's before they slowly travelled down her body and then back up again to settle on her face once more. "Amanda, darlin, it's so nice to see you. How's the big apple treating you?" he snickered, clasping his hands in front of him, acting all charming and irresistible. "Who's your friend?" he glanced towards Olivia, who had stepped out from behind the blonde, and reached out his hand. "Since detective Rollins seems to have lost all her southern politeness, I will have to introduce myself. I'm deputy chief Charles Patton, the head of the SVU department here in Atlanta and Amanda's former boss."


	2. Chapter 2

Whiskey Through My Veins

Chapter 2

Amanda sat in her hotel room, perched on the bed, staring at a miniscule stain on the carpet in front of her until her eyes were dry and stinging from the intensity of it all. Her right leg was vigorously bouncing up and down as an attempt to relieve some of the stress and pressure of seeing her old boss. After Patton had introduced himself to Olivia, they all exchanged polite pleasantries,even though the atmosphere was awkward and loaded with apprehension, before Amanda excused herself and almost ran back to her room, locking the door and sat down on the perfectly made bed.

The mini bar in the corner was a temptation like no other and she couldn't care less, at this point, if the drinks were included in the prize of not. She needed something, something strong, something that would numb her senses and something to dull the pain and the memories. Luck seemed to be on her side as she spotted four small bottles of whiskey amongst other alcoholic beverages like vodka, gin, wine and beer. She would get to those later, after consuming the brown sweet and burning liquor of oblivion.

She had already downed two of the small bottles and she could feel her head turn heavy, her vision blurred and her thoughts were irrational and obscure. Her mind went to places she wouldn't normaly go to, if she had a sober conscience, but the high percentage of alcohol had travelled to her brain and infested her with poisonous and dark thoughts about herself, her past and her future.

She felt as though she had nothing to live for. Her past had already happened and she figured that it wasn't worth dwelling on since she had given up the fight for her own justice back then. She had fought hard, at the start, but soon realized that her squad, also infamously known as 'the boy's club', stuck together in thick and thin and wouldn't budge for a 'no good slut' as they so nicely had put it. She wasn't believed and nobody listened.

She was a fuck up and fuck ups don't have a future, not a bright one anyway, and she just couldn't see her purpose or the point in going on living if there was nothing to look forward to. She like her job, that was about the only thing she had going for her and she liked Fin, her partner, but there was not much else that was worth the struggle and the pain of everyday life since that day in Patton's office two years ago.

Upon opening the third bottle of whiskey, there was a soft knock on the door. Not the main door, but the smaller door that connected hers and Olivia's room and she heard the older woman softly call out to her. "Amanda, you okay? Can I come in?"

The blonde rolled her eyes, stumbled towards her colleague and fumbled, drunkenly, with the before it finally swung open. "What do you want?" she slurred and made her way back to the bed, plunked herself down with a huff and took the first swig of the fresh bottle.

Olivia frowned as she slowly made her way over to the clearly intoxicated woman and stopped a couple of feet away, studying her disruptive behavior. "Do you think you will find any answers or comfort at the bottom of that bottle?" she asked softly, remaining in her poised position, watching Amanda take another gulp.

The blonde shrugged. "Beats me. It tastes good and it makes me feel better so, why not?"

"It makes you feel better? Better how? What can possibly be so bad that you feel like you have to seek solace from a bottle of whiskey?" she then saw the two empty bottles lying next to her on the bed. "Or three?" she inguired gently, tilting her head to the side and took a step closer.

 _What can possibly be so bad?_ Amanda repeated to herself, snickering at the comment. "Nothing. Everything is peachy. You want one?" she held the fourth bottle up in the air, offering it to Olivia.

"I'm good, thanks, and I think you are too." sighing, she sat down next to Amanda on the bed, leaving a small gap in between them, not wanting to overwhelm her team member.

As soon as she sat down, Amanda got up, too uncomfortable, frustrated and fidgety to be so close to the woman she had admired for so many years, even before they had actually met. "Do you have any more of these in your room, cause mine is almost gone?" she held out the bottle and waited for an answer.

Olivia took a deep breath as she intensely looked at the woman before her, trying to figure out what had happened in the last few hours and why her behaviour had changed so radically. Amanda was a grown woman who could make her own decisions but she didn't like the idea of her drinking too much since she was already well steamed. "I don't have a mini bar in my room, Amanda." she lied but it seemed as if the blonde believed her as she shrugged her shoulders and began to suddenly root through her suitcase in a hurried manner.

"What are you looking for?" Olivia asked, got up and approached the disheveled and flustered blonde, hoping she would get close enough to, at least, establish some kind of connection or eye contact.

"None of your business." she snapped, still rummaging through her bag, desperate to find whatever she was looking for. "Ah, here it is." she fished out a packet of cigarettes and immediately lit one, not caring that they were inside and in a non smoking area.

"You can at least smoke out the window, Amanda."

"Why, this is not your room. You can go back to your own if you don't like it." she simply said, blowing out a cloud of smoke right into Olivia's face.

Liv pretended that the smoke didn't bother her but, truth to be told, it really did. "What's going on, Rollins? What happened in the last few hours? Why are you so defensive and angry?"

The blonde had began to pace back and forth between the bed and the window, that had a view over the more posh area of the city, inhaling the nicotine like there was no tomorrow. "I should never have come here. This was a bad idea and I knew it. I fucking knew it." she muttered, over and over, as if she had completely forgotten that Olivia was there with her in the room. When the cigarette was burnt down all the way to the filter, she opened the grand window and tossed it outside.

"Why shouldn't you have come here?" the brunette whispered from behind her and, as she turned, she now found herself face to face with the older woman, seeing the worry in her eyes and the confusion etching her features.

For a moment Olivia wasn't Olivia. She was Patton and her reflexes and instinct kicked in and she let out a painfilled whimper and covered her head with her arms, protecting herself from an oncoming blow. Her heart began to pump rapidly, adrenaline caused her head to spin, along with the whiskey, and her whole body seemed to go into fight or flight mode but instead she froze.

Olivia had taken a step back but held her hands up in front of her in a non threatening manner and spoke in a soothing voice. "Hey, it's just me, it's Olivia. I'm not gonna hurt you, honey."

Amanda inhaled a big gulp of air, then let out another whimper but more pitiful than the first and slowly lowered her arms, blue eyes shimmering from unshed tears, silently pleading for... something that Olivia couldn't make out. She had never seen her coworker in such a fragile and vulnerable state before. The blonde detective was always so stoic, professional and closed off about her personal life and it was like she waslooking at a while different person unraveling in front of her.

"Amanda, what's happening? What's going on?" she asked gently, still holding her hand up, indicating that she meant no harm. "Please, talk to me." she pleaded, her own brown eyes glistening with worry and compassion.

The blonde seemed to have regained her control back and she wiped the back of her hand across her eyes, drying the brimming tears, straightened her back and cleared her throat. "I'm okay, I'm okay. Nothing is wrong."

Her shaky voice told Olivia the complete opposite and, after what she just witnessed, she couldn't just let it go. "Amanda, honey, something clearly happened. You can talk to me, you know. I'm here." her words were firm yet soft. All she wanted was for Amanda to tell her what had just happened and why it happened but she also knew that it wouldn't be that easy to get this stubborn and proud woman to open up.

"Nothing happened, just drop it. Please." the last word sounded desperate, almost fearful in Olivia's ears, which only caused her to feel even more concerned and scared for the young blonde. Amanda wrapped her arms around her middle and hung her head in embarrassment for freaking out like that. "I'm tired. I'm gonna go to bed. I'll see you in the morning." she passed the brunette and started to gather some of her toiletries from the suitcase, waiting for Olivia to leave.

Leaving the distraught woman on her own was the last thing she wanted to do after seeing her so upset and sad but she also had to respect Amanda's wishes and her need of privacy and solitude. She couldn't force it out of the woman if she wasn't ready or willing to reciprocate and in the end she knew she had no other choice but to leave. "Okay," she whispered tenderly, "but if there's anything you need, anything at all, don't hesitate to ask, Amanda. I'm only in the next room."

"I'm fine," the blonde answered shortly, "just tired."

Reluctantly, Olivia left the room, entered her own and closed the door separating them. Once inside, she leaned against the wall, closed her eyes and felt totally useless as to how she could help her colleague if she wasn't willing to share or talk about what was bothering her so much and what caused her so much pain and suffering. Something had definitely happened earlier on and she was dying to find out what but she needed to be careful and thread lightly. Tomorrow would bring a new day and maybe things would be different but she was not gonna let this go. Never. Something was up and her squad member needed help even though Amanda would fight against it.

Left alone to her own devices, Amanda put the items back into her bag and finished off the third bottle of the amber spirit and cracked open the fourth and last one. She had sobered up some, after she mistakenly thought Olivia was Patton, and all she wanted now was to drink herself senseless to numb the pain and to stop the horrid memories from playing before her.

She could feel how quickly the alcohol was getting to her head and she had to stop for a minute to get her bearings and to steady herself. She made it to the bed and, once again, sat down, her heart pumping the blood and whiskey profusely through her veins, making her body feel all tingly and funny. She sat there, staring at the same stain in the carpet as before when she suddenly stood up abruptly, the room swaying before her but she managed to shake it off and ignore it. The casino was the only thing on her mind, right now. It was the only thing that could keep her somewhat sane.

A distraction, that's what she needed, that's what she hungered for, craved, like air in her lungs. If she had been in New York the pull probably wouldn't be as strong as it was now, but since she was in Atlanta, too close to home, too close to her familiar surroundings, she couldn't stop the desperate and powerful need to gamble. She had to get out of this room and let out some steam and pressure that was so rapidly building inside of her. Changing into a short black dress with matching heels, she then left her room, ready for the night ahead.

She walked the streets that use to be her old neighborhood, feeling somewhat sad and melancholy but there was also a rushing sensation of adrenaline and anticipation surging. The Black Jack table was busy, as usual, and she ordered her double shot straight away, telling the barista to keep them coming, sat down and placed her bets. She knew she wasn't gonna sleep tonight and the casino was open twenty-four seven.

Four whiskeys later she was well steamed and braising. A man in his early thirties had been hanging around her for the past half hour, looking at her, gently brushing up against her shoulder and back, smiling and flirting as she downed her drink. "See something you like?" she asked, her southern drawl was suddenly very prominent.

He grinned and cane a bit closer to the blonde, a large beer in his hand. "I always like what I see when I look at you."

Narrowing her eyes, she turned slightly on her chair and studied the man. "What makes you say that? Do I know you?"

Snickering he came even closer, leaned into her and spoke softly. "I've seen you here before, a couple of years ago now but I'll never forget someone as pretty as you. You use to come here a lot but then you disappeared and I haven't seen you since. What's the story?"

Amanda chuckled as she spun the chair all around to face him. "There's no story, really. I moved to New York, that's what happened." her body language was slow and sensual and she knew she was teasing him, egging him on and she liked the feeling it brought.

"What made you come back?" he slurred and gulped his beverage, causing it to leave a small amount of white foam on his upper lip.

Without hesitation, Amanda leaned forward and seductively wiped the residue of the beer from his lip with her thumb. "Maybe I knew I was gonna run into you." she winked, hooked one of her fingers into his belt loop and pulled him closer so he was now standing between her open legs. "Since you've been looking at me for quite some time, I figured you'd like to see some more?"

He smiled, placed his hands on her ass and brought her even closer. "I'd like that. Maybe we should go somewhere where we can have a bit more privacy then." he suggested, his breath caressing her face and the beer and stale cigarettes hit her nostrils and it was repulsive but she didn't care. He grabbed her hand and swiftly they made it through the crowd of drunken and hollering people until they made it to the men's bathroom.

There was nobody else there and the man locked the door as soon as he closed it, turned to Amanda and roughly grabbed the back of her head, his fingers grasping at her hair and kissed her sloppily on her mouth, shoving his tongue down her throat. As he pressed his body closer to her, she could feel him getting hard and aroused. "Turn around and put your hands on the wall." he demanded while he unzipped his pants.

"Oh, bossy! I like it." Amanda snickered but was taken aback as she felt a stinging sensation on her cheek, her skin burning from the sudden blow the man had just given her. Her face turned serious, as if she was in shock, flabbergasted by the hard and powerful slap but she didn't say anything, didn't do anything to stop it or tell him to slow down. Instead, she did as she was told.

"I'm so hard for you already. I want you to stand there and take it all, bitch. Just take it all." he roughly pulled her dress up to her waist and he groaned as he spotted black lace panties covering a well shaped ass and he groaned at the sight. "Fuck, you're so damn sexy. I'm gonna fuck that ass of yours. I'm gonna fuck it real good." he slapped her butt cheek hard and she could feel it burn and sting painfully. He then ripped her panties off completely, tearing the material, crumbled it up in his fist and brought it to his nose, inhaling her scent. "Fuck, you smell nice, you dirty slut. I'm gonna fuck you so hard you won't be able to walk or sit for a week." he grunted, spread her ass cheeks wide open and took in the sight before him. "You don't seem wet." he laughe, "don't worry, you'll be soaking by the time I'm done with you."

Amanda was too drunk to fight back. A part of her wanted this but another part told her that this was wrong, this was not consensual in any way, shape or form. It didn't matter if she wanted it or not. He wasn't gonna stop if she told him to, she knew that. Instead, she steadied herself on the cold dingy tiled floor and braced herself for the inevitable.

Then, a sharp piercing burning pain ripped through her as he entered her anal canal, roughly pushing into her, causing her to scream out but he quickly placed his hand over her mouth to shut her up. "Be quiet. If you weren't so god damn dry, you wouldn't be struggling so much. Stay still and let me finish."

He pumped in and out forcefully, her whimpers going unheard due to the loud music outside and the large hand covering her mouth and nose, making it extremely difficult to breath. The pain was immense and it felt like he was tearing her apart from the inside, splitting her in two and she could feel a sticky warm substance trickling down the inside of her thighs, coating them with blood.

"Oh fuck yeah! Now you're wet." he grinned as he watched the crimson liquid drip onto the floor. "God, you're so tight." he pushed harder and faster, ignoring her pitiful cries as he thrusts in and out, over and over. Then he suddenly pulled out and immediately shoved his penis into her vagina instead, drawing another painful stiffled scream from the blonde as he did so. "That's a bit beter. That's it, won't be long now." he grunted and hissed between the rapid thrusts, sweat dripping from his temples and chin.

Amanda's legs were shaking so hard. The pain was excruciating and it was extremely difficult to stand as her limbs were ready to give up at any second. Her eyes were shut so tightly that colours were beginning to form and everything around her was spinning out of control. She wanted it all to be over. She shouldn't have come here in the first place, what was she thinking? Gambling? Again? God, what a mistake. How was she gonna explain this to Liv in the morning? She was obviously gonna see the big bruise on her cheek, her inability to walk properly and her disheveled and rough exterior.

As the thoughts were running wildly through her head, she could feel the man stiffen, his body went rigid for a second before his hips began to jerk and spasm and he shot his warm and sticky load into her, grunting, moaning and groaning as he came. "Fuck! That was good." he pulled out and again slapped her butt cheek twice before he pulled his pants up and wiped the sweat off his face. "Clean yourself up. You look awful." he snickered and headed towards the door but turned before he opened it. "Oh, by the way, Patton sends his love." the door slammed shut and she could hear his deep and manly laughter echoing through the walls before it dissipated.

She was still standing, still breathing and still alive. Her senses kicked in and, as quick as possible she locked the door so no one could walk in and see her in such an awful state. It was difficult to walk, almost impossible, but she swallowed her tears and the pain, went to the mirror and just stared at herself. It was like looking at a stranger. A blonde woman who looked exactly like her through a sheet of glass or a window, not a mirror, this wasn't her, was it? Staring back at her was a broken and sad woman, someone she didn't want to be and she could no longer keep the eye contact.

Patton was responsible for this. He was behind all of this. This was his way of getting back at her for accusing him of rape before she got transfered. No one had believed her anyway and the accusation had turned into a rumour and he was now rectifying her mistake. She had now paid for her wrongdoings and Patton had made sure of it by sending someone else to do his dirty work.

She cleaned up as fast as she could, grabbed her purse, that had been tossed on the floor earlier, and began the fifteen minute walk back to the hotel in such pain that she thought she might pass out.

She kept her head low as she walked through the lobby, not wanting any uncomfortable or strange looks from guests or personnel. The hotel was thankfully quiet, since it was almost four in the morning, and she made it to her room without anyone noticing her upset and distraught features or her rumpled clothing.

As quietly, as she possibly could, she made it into the bathroom and started the tap, filling the bath with hot scalding water. She stripped out of her skimpy dress, tossed it in the corner somewhere and, with great difficulty, she lowered herself into the bath, feeling it burn her delicate skin. She almost screamed in agony as her groin area made contact with the water but she didn't stop, didn't slow down her movements, but instead she bit her lower lip so hard it cracked open and the taste of iron seeped into her mouth as she lowered herself all the way.

Suddenly, everything that had happened in the past ten hours came back to her and she couldn't breath. Her chest was so tight it hurt and she was afraid to let the tears out in case she wouldn't be able to stop them. The pain and despair eventually won and she broke down into hysterical, heartbroken and gut wrenching sobs.

Olivia stired in her sleep. Something had woken her up but she wasn't sure as to what. She glanced at her phone, that was positioned on the nightstand, and saw that it was just after five in the morning. Groaning, she turned to her other side, flung an arm over her eyes and tried to go back to sleep.

She couldn't. Something was keeping her awake. A noise? A faint noise of dripping water, whimpers and... crying? What the hell was going on? Who has a shower at five in the morning? She asked herself and tried to block the noise out but without any luck. A few minutes passed without any changes and she suddenly sat up, rubbing her hands over her face in frustration. That's when she realized that the noise was coming from Amanda's room.

She flew out of bed, grabbed a cardigan to cover her chilly arms. She was glad she had decided to pack pajama pants and not shorts. Placing her ear flat against the door she listened and could still make out the sound of water and crying. She knocked twize and called out her name softly but there was no answer. She tried again but with the same outcome.

Upon opening the door, she potted Amanda's bed empty and still made, as if she hadn't even slept in it. She looked around the room and spotted various items scattered around the place, like toiletries, clothes, make up and Amanda's purse. Turning her attention towards the bathroom, she could now easily make out the constant whimpering and sniveling from behind the paperthin door. It wasn't fully closed and there was a several inch gap between the door and the door frame and she was drawn to the pitiful cries like a magnet gravitating to it's source.

When she peeked through the crack her heart stopped for a second only to resume in double speed. Amanda was sitting so Olivia could see the side of her face and body and could see the tear streaked face covered in smeared make up, her hair toussled and unruly, a bruise was covering her whole cheek and her shoulders were shaking so hard as she desperately tried to stiffle her screams and sobs.

Olivia placed a hand over her own heart and felt a stabbing pain in her chest as she watched her coworker struggle to regain control of herself. Without thinking she swung the door open and stepped inside, a look of shock, compassion and concern was splayed across her face. "Amanda, sweetie, what happened to you?" the fear and shock was evident in her voice as it broke and hitched as she spoke.

Amanda snapped her head around and looked Liv dead in the eye, emotions projecting from her shiny orbs, the pain, the agony, the despair and the fear. Olivia had seen her now and it was too late to try and cover things up. The worried look on the older woman's face was too much for Amanda to handle and she broke again, tears dripping into the water, her body shaking from the intense sobs and pain and her voice was just as shaky. "I... I wa... I was ra... raped." she stuttered, her whole petite frame began to tremble so fiercely that it almost caused the water to spill over the edges of the tub.

The brunette took a couple of steps closer and gasped as she saw that the water was stained with blood and there was also a big patch of crusty dried blood on her lower lip and chin, creating a stark contrast against her ghostly white complexion. "Oh, honey." she murmured, her own eyes welling up with tears as she hunkered down next to the tub, swallowing her overwhelming emotions, trying to be strong for Amanda. She needed her now, needed her strength, her support and her comfort.

"Where is the blood coming from, sweetheart? Where are you hurt?" she questioned softly, needing to know what kind of injuries she had sustained during the attack.

Amanda's face just crumbled at the question, too ashamed to even say the words out loud. Instead, she gave Olivia a slight nod downwards to her lower region and watched as the brunette's features changed to understanding, care and empathy. "Oh, sweetheart." she reached out to brush damp blonde hair away from her face and was relieved when she didn't pull away from her touch but instead leaned into it. "I have to take you to a hospital, honey. You're bleeding, you're hurt and you're in pain."

Amanda knew she was right. There was no way Liv was gonna let this go and she had no choice but to agree with the older detective. "Can you stand, honey? I'll help you okay, come on sweetie." Liv grabbed a large towel from the towel rack, having it ready to wrap around the battered body once she was standing. Hissing in pain, Amanda shakily began to stand but halfway up she caved and fell back into the water in a boneless heap and more blood began to trickle down the inside of her thighs and buttocks.

"Oh, baby! It's okay, it's okay. I know it hurts, honey. I'll be right back, okay? I'm not leaving you, I promise. Just give me a second." Olivia ran towards the stationary phone, called the front desk, asked for an ambulance and ran back to the waiting blonde. "An ambulance is on the way, honey. I know you don't want that but you can't stand up on your own so it's the best option right now. Can I pull the plug and let the water out? You must be freezing, sweetheart."

As the water slowly drained, Liv began to towel dry her hair, wiping away the smudges of blood and make up on her face and wrapped another towel around her trembling shoulders. "It's okay, honey. I'm here and I'm not leaving your side, I promise you that, my love, I promise you that." she gently roped an arm around Amanda's frail shoulders, kissed the side of her head, pulled her as close as she could to her own body without hurting her further and watched in worry as the blood kept seeping out from between her legs.

"It won't be long now, sweetheart. They'll be here in a few minutes and you'll feel better in no time." she whispered into a nearby ear, her voice was soothing and motherly.

"D... don't lea... leave." Amanda sniffed, clinging onto the older woman like a life line.

"I won't, sweet girl, I won't. I'm gonna be right by your side the entire time, I promise. I'm right here with you. Right here."


	3. Chapter 3

Whiskey Through My Veins

Chapter 3

"Bruising, minor vaginal tearing, she's dehydrated due to all the alcohol she has consumed within the past twenty-four hours. The damage to her anal canal is pretty extensive but, in time, she should make a full recovery. We also did a full rape kit on her while she was sedated. I know that you're not from around here so she should visit her own doctor in New York as soon as she gets back. Hopefully she will be discharged tomorrow late afternoon. It's a bit too soon but she refused to stay any longer. Maybe you have better luck convincing her to stay. She's still pretty out of it but if you want to see her you can. Down the hall to the left, second door. She was asking for you when I left."

"Thank you doctor, Naughton. I'll see what I can do. Did you give her anything to avoid pregnancy?" Liv asked, even though she knew the answer. It was a part of the rape kit to offer the patient emergency contraception and antibiotics to stop any kind of sexual transmitted infections from forming.

"We did. She should get another dose of it when she gets back home so it's very important that she sees her doctor."

"Of course, I'll see to it. Thank you again, doctor." brasing herself for the inevitable, she filled her lungs with air and let it out slowly, closing her eyes as she did so, gathering enough courage to physically open the door and see the damage the man had inflicted on her friend.

It was like a truck hit her, head on, causing her chest to ache and heave with emotions as she looked upon the blonde, who lay so still and helpless between the crispy white hospital sheets. Her face was bruised, her lip swollen, hair completely disheveled and her skin was almost as white as the covers. She had seen many battered, raped and sodomized women through the years in her line of work but this was different, this was completely and utterly devastating for Olivia to witness.

After working together for nearly two years, the two women never really had a good relationship. They worked well together, tolerated each other and respected one another but they hardly ever talked about their personal lifes or socialized outside of work except for work related events and activities. Olivia swore to herself, in that very moment, that things would change from now on. Seeing her coworker and friend in such a bad physical and emotional state tore her heart right open and there was no way of putting it back together.

The heart monitor was creating a steady rythm of beeps echoing through the sterile room, the main light in the ceiling was shining so bright it made Olivia's eyes hurt and she had to switch it off and turn on the bedside lamp instead, thinking that Amanda would probably appreciate the gesture too. The soft and deep breathing coming from the doped up woman had a somewhat soothing effect on her and she sat down on the chair next to the bed and, ever so softly, she ran her fingertips down Amanda's exposed arm, frowning at the coolness of her skin.

Blue eyes fluttered open and met concerned brown, her vision slightly blurry but she could still make out Olivia's features and her facial expressions in the dim light and she had never been more grateful and happy to see her colleague as she was in this very moment. There was no going back now, no use in lying or trying to cover things up and it felt good in a way, that she no longer had to pretend that she was fine or having to push her emotions aside. "L... Liv?" she croaked, her throat dry and raspy.

"Hey, honey. It's okay, you're safe now." Olivia murmured, needing Amanda to know that she was indeed safe and that she was by her side. "How are you feeling?"

Amanda shifted slightly in the bed, trying to sit up a bit but the pain in her groin area made itself known and she hissed in response. "Not too good."

Liv pulled the chair closer to the bed, her knees touching the metal frame. "I know you're in pain, sweetie. You have some extensive anal tearing and it's gonna take a while before it heals but you're gonna be okay, honey. You're gonna be okay."

The blonde blushed in embarrassment. Her colleague knew the extent of her injuries and she was mortified as she thought back to the time, only a few hours ago, when she was butt naked in the tub bleeding from between her legs, bruised and battered. Liv had seen her naked, in a vulnerable state, crying her eyes out and begging her not to leave her on her own.

"Hey, don't be embarrassed, sweetheart. We're both women and there's nothing you can't say to me." gently, she took Amanda's cold and clammy hand in hers, rubbing it softly, trying to induce some warmth into her chilled skin. "Can you tell me who did this to you honey?"

Amanda swallowed, trying to soothe her aching throat. "I never got a name." she whispered, her eyes filling up with tears and her bottom lip began to quiver from suppressed emotions that needed to come out but she was too afraid.

"Okay, that's okay. Do you remember what he looked like? Hair? eyes? Anything?" she felt bad for pressuring Amanda but the more time that went by, the harder it would be to catch the guy.

Just as Amanda was about to answer, there was a knock on the door and two men walked right in. Olivia glanced at the two, not happy with their sudden arrival and recognized one of them from the previous day. It was Patton and it occurred to the brunette that the doctor must've called Atlanta SVU. Immediately there was a whimper coming from the blonde, followed by a strangled cry and gasps for breath. Looking at her friend, she was horrified to see that Amanda had curled up into a ball, even though she was in a great deal of pain, and her whole body trembled fiercely.

"Amanda, honey, you okay? What's going on? What's wrong?" Liv prodded, worried about her sudden change in behavior.

"I'm sorry, ma'am, we can come back a bit later." suggested the man who stood next to Patton, frowning as he observed the blonde's strange reaction to the two.

"Liv... please,... get them out of... here! Ple... please, get them... out! Please, please... please... get them out!" Amanda cried, her tone shaky but strong and Liv could hear the sheer terror in her friend's voice.

Liv was confused as to what was happening but knew that she had to grant Amanda's wish and make them leave, if she didn't, she didn't know what the blonde might do. She got up from the chair and stood between Amanda and the two detectives, blocking their view. "I'm afraid I'm gonna have to ask you to leave." she stated with authority. "She won't be needing your help."

The man silently nodded and shrugged, like he didn't care either way, and he started to leave but Patton placed a firm hand on his arm and stopped him. "Not so fast, detective Hogan. We were called about a rape case and we have to follow up, standard procedure." he said, a sickening grin on his face as he turned towards the terrified blonde. "Right, Amanda? You know what it's like. I only have your best interest at heart." he snickered, an evil smile creeping upon his lips.

"L... Liv... Please! Get him away from me." she whimpered, tears flowing steadily down her bruised face, her hands clinging tightly onto the metal railing as if she was ready to flee at any second. She was petrified.

"I think it's pretty obvious that she doesn't want you here, chief. Leave now!" Olivia growled, her eyes gleaming with hatred for the man that she didn't even know. Amanda's reaction to him told her everything she needed and she wasn't going to let him close to her.

Patton glared at the brunette then turned his gaze towards Amanda, grinning from ear to ear. "I've got your back, Rollins." he stated smugly, "I'll be in touch." he winked discretely but Liv could easily see it as she was only standing a couple of feet away.

"Over my dead body." her voice was so full of venom that she even surprised herself as she spoke her promising words.

"We'll see, darlin! We'll see." the men left, leaving a still trembling Amanda and a reeling and even more confused Liv behind.

"Amanda, honey?" The younger woman had calmed slightly but she was still shaking from fear and her hands continued to clutch the railing, her knuckles turning white. "Hey, sweete, it's okay, they're gone now. They're gone." she quietly soothed as she made her way back to the bed. "I know you're upset and scared but you're gonna have to tell me what happened and who hurt you. Please, honey, let me help you. Tell me." she whispered, gently urging Amanda to open up and explain what had taken place yesterday and how she had ended up in a hospital with extensive tearing and bruising.

The petite blonde tried to get comfortable in the big bed but she was now in quite amount of pain due to her sudden movements and she hissed and whimpered as she layed back down onto the white pillows. "I was raped." she said, her tone apathetic and hollow.

Olivia gently took her hand, rubbing it softly between her own, willing warmth into the cold hand and fingers. "I know honey and I'm so sorry. So so sorry." she whispered as she tried to keep her own tears at bay. She needed to be strong for Amanda.

"No." the blonde mumbled. "Before."

Frowning, Liv grew quiet for a while, not understanding what Amanda meant by that. "What do you mean, honey? What happened before?"

Blue eyes gazed out the window to her left as Liv sat on her right and she could see her looking at her intensely from the corner of her eye. "Patton raped me before. That's why I got transferred to New York."

The brunette really had to concentrate on what the younger woman was saying, her voice so low that it could easily be mistaken for a whisper. Amanda had only been with the Manhattan SVU for two years and, doing the math, it was all too clear that the first rape must've happened just before she got transferred. How could she have kept this a secret for so long? Did anyone in the squad know? Fin, the captain? She doubted it. Amanda was a very private person and she was somewhat surprised that she was talking so calmly and rationally about it.

"I'm so sorry, Amanda. Did you tell anybody what had happened?

Tearing her gaze from the window, Amanda locked her blue eyes with compassionate and concerned brown, her features etched with sadness. "No one believed me. He was my superior officer, my word against his and he had the whole APD on his side. Still do."

Liv could hear and sense the resigned tone in her voice, like it didn't matter, like she didn't matter and that somehow it was okay. "You've got the whole NYPD on your side, sweetheart, and you've got me and I'm not giving up until you get your justice, I promise you that." she brought the small cold hand to her lips and kissed the knuckles gently, brushing her lips against her soft skin.

The gesture surprised Amanda and she found herself frozen and in shock. Liv had never been affectionate or caring towards her before. Sure, the odd hand on her shoulder, arm or back but never anything like this. She felt her skin tingle and burn where Olivia's lips had been and she also felt a rush of reassurance and calm, like everything was going to be okay and her hunger for comfort grew as well as her tears and anxiety.

She began to sob, her body shaking and she had a hard time getting the pain under control. She shifted slightly from side to side, trying to ease the burning sensation in her southern region but she couldn't escape it. Liv saw her discomfort and agony, stood from her chair and sat down on the edge of the bed, keeping her voice hushed as she spoke. "Hey, hey, easy! Easy, sweetheart. The more you move the more it's gonna hurt." she rubbed her hand up and down Amanda's arm, doing her best to soothe but the blonde kept crying and winching in pain.

"Would you be more comfortable on your side, sweetie? Come on, I'll help you turn." gently, Liv pulled the crying woman towards her, rolling her onto her side so they were face to face. "Better?" she asked, extremely worried for her friend and brushing blonde hair away from her face, caressing her cheek as she withdrew her hand. "Do you need something for the pain? I can get a doctor in here."

"No." Amanda almost shouted, the thought of being alone for even a minute seemed too scary and daunting. "Please, don't go, I'm fine, I don't need anything." she pleaded, tears still falling from her eyes, landing on the white pillow case, leaving large wet circles.

"Can you tell me what happened last night, sweetie? Did Patton..."

"No," the blonde interrupted, "it wasn't him but it was his idea." she spotted Olivia's confused look and tried to gather herself so she could explain. "After... the man finished with me, he... he said 'Patton sends his love'. He must've sent him to do his dirty work." she stated, her face crumbling. "I flirted with him!" she cried, her tears now flowing in a more steady rhythm. "I came onto him first. God, I'm so stupid! I deserve what happened to me. I deserved it all."

Her body shook with each sob, causing the blonde more pain and distress and Olivia was at a loss of what to do. The only thing that came natural to her, in that very moment, was to lift the covers, slide in underneath them and take her into her arms as gently as she could, without hurting her any further, and held on, softly rocking her from side to side. "Hush, sweetheart, you're gonna be okay. I'm right here with you, baby and I'm not leaving your side. We're gonna figure all of this out, don't you worry about anything except for getting better and let us do the rest. No one deserves to be raped, my love, no one. Nothing of this is on you."

Amanda was climging onto the front of Liv's shirt, balling the material of it into her fists, knuckles white, hands shaking. "Shhh, hush now, sweetie. Try to relax, I'm gonna stay right here with you until we can leave tomorrow, okay. When we get back to New York I'd like for you to come and stay with me, would you like that?" she ran her fingers through her hair, kissing the top of her head and placed her palm flush against her cheek, wiping at the tears that continued to fall with the pad of her thumb.

The blonde was too emotional to speak but managed to croak out a 'yes' before she broke a second time, sobs tearing through her battered body and as she looked Olivia straight in the eye, pleading for help, support and comfort. "I wa... was so sca... scared. It hurt so mu... much. I couldn't sto... stop... him. I couldn't stop... him."

"Shhh, I know, sweetheart, I know. You're okay now, you're safe here with me. I'm not gonna let anyone hurt you, sweetness. You're okay. Just hold on to me, I'll keep you safe." she made sure Amanda was covered with the blankets, sushed her and soothed her until she eventually fell into a restless sleep, leaving the brunette to deal with her own emotions that were racing havoc inside of her, threatening to spill out but she had to be strong for Amanda's sake, needing to be her rock and an anchor through the storm that would surely take time to die out.

It was not until late afternoon, the next day, that Amanda got discharged and Liv had arranged so that all their stuff had been cleared from the hotel and brought to the hospital so they could be on their way. Olivia didn't want to leave Amanda alone for a second and she was beginning to wonder how they were gonna sort out the travel arrangements since the blonde was visibly shaken and upset. She wasn't sure if flying back to New York was the best option even though it was the quickest way. There was going to be a lot of people on the plane and she didn't want Amanda to feel crowded or exposed, plus her physical appearance would definitely cause people to turn their heads for a second glance at her bruised face and split lip.

Flying seemed to be the only option and Liv managed to, somehow, rearrange their seats so they were in the very back, in a more secluded area for more privacy. The pain made it difficult for her to sit but the painkillers she had been given made it bearable. She was positioned by the window, Liv sitting next to her holding one of Amanda's still cold hands in hers, rubbing her thumb gently over the back of it, soothing her in any way possible.

Halfway through their journey, Liv felt a weight on her shoulder and realized that Amanda was falling asleep. She asked one of the air hostess for a blanket, tucked it tenderly around the slumbering form and wrapped an arm around the blonde's shoulders, pulling her close. "We'll be home in no time, sweetie. Just hold on." she whispered into a nearby ear and heard a soft mumble in response.

They grabbed a taxi as soon as they stepped a foot outside the entrence of the airport and Liv helped Amanda to get in, makimg sure her seatbelt was securely fastened. The blonde had been very quiet during the whole journey, yes she had been sleeping half of it but during the time she had been awake she had barely said a word and Liv was beginning to worry. The main priority now was to get Amanda home, to her apartment, where she could have a shower, get some proper rest and away from prying eyes of strangers.

As they both stepped inside Olivia's cozy home, the pale and shaky blonde swayed on her feet, looking as though she might keel over. The older woman gently guided her into her bedroom snd sat her down on the bed, removing her shoes and jacket. "Hey sweetie, I'm gonna find you something comfortable to wear, then maybe we can try and eat something before you go to sleep. How does that sound?" she kneeled in front of the exhausted woman, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"I... I need a shower." Amanda stated weakly, her eyes flickering across the room rowards the bathroom.

"Are you sure that's a good idea, honey? You seem very unsteady on your feet and I'm worried that you might fall and hurt yourself."

"Please, Liv. I'll try to make it quick, I just want... him off of me. I just want to feel clean, please?"

Olivia spotted tears in her eyes as she pleaded with her and her heart broke for her friend. How could she say no? "Okay, I'll get you some towels and a pajamas to wear. Do you need help getting undressed? I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable and there's no shame here, Amanda. I'm here to help if you'd let me."

A weak smile crept upon the blonde's rosy lips, appreciating Olivia's kindness. "Thanks but I'll be okay."

The appetite just wasn't there and Amanda struggled to eat the light snack that Liv had so kindly prepared for them both. It was nearly nine pm and the two women were really tired after everything that had happened within the last couple of days and Liv couldn't wait to get into bed. Amanda, on the other hand, was apprehensive about calling it a night, not wanting to be left alone with her thoughts and fears, but the pain medication she had been given was causing her eyes to unwillingly droop.

Liv cleared the table and placed a soft hand on Amanda's lower arm. "I think it's time for bed. Come on, I'll help you get settled, sweetie."

Amanda seemed fidgety, unfocused and slightly trembling. The brunette secretly studied the woman from the corner of her eye as she covered her with the blankets, making sure she was comfortable. "You cold? I can get you another blanket if you'd like?" she offered, her voice so soothing and motherly it made Amanda tear up again, berating herself for being so emotional and out of control.

"No, I... I'm fine, thank you." blue eyes flickered around the room, inspecting every corner, every nook and cranny, afraid that someone might be lurking in the shadows even though she knew how ridiculous it sounded.

The scared look on Amanda's face tore at Liv's heart and she didn't like the idea of leaving her alone bt didn't know how to approach the subject without making the blonde uncomfortable and awkward. "I'll be right outside on the couch if you need anything during the night. Don't hesitate to call me, okay?" the concern and sincerity in her voice was prominent and it soothed Amanda some.

She slowly nodded as her fingers played with the corner of one of the blankets, which Olivia, saw as a nervous sign and she just decided to ask straight out, putting Amanda at ease. "Do you want me to stay in here with you, honey?"

The blonde immediately looked up at the concerned face of the older woman and saw nothing but care and kindness. "I... I don't want to... make you uncomfortable. It's okay... I'll be fine." she lied, not wanting to be a burden or be seen as weak and pathetic.

Liv softly smiled down at her, a smile that could melt anybody's heart and spoke gently. "You could never make me uncomfortable, Amanda. Scoot over a bit so I can get in but be careful, I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Amanda suddenly felt small and shy. She knew that she was in a vulnerable state which caused everything around her to appear bigger and magnified. She had seen Olivia being so kind and caring towards the women and children that came into the precinct everyday to report their rape or abuse. She just never knew _how_ sooting and calming she would feel in the brunette's presence and it surprised her that she allowed herself to be comforted and cared for, perhaps even looked after. She would usually hate being coddled but somehow, in a strange peculiar way, the coddling that Olivia offered was more than welcomed and appreciated.

"Are you okay, Amanda? I can almost hear your heart beating from here." Liv stated, concerned about the blonde's wellbeing, hating the thought of Amanda being scared or perhaps feeling lonely.

"Yeah." came the weak reply, her voice shaky which caused Olivia to doubt the other woman's honesty.

"I don't believe you." she whispered, turned to her side and faced Amanda's profile in the dim lit room. "It's okay to be scared, honey. We're gonna do everything in out power to catch this guy and make sure that Patton pays his prize for what her did to you. I don't want you to worry about anything. All I want you to do is to close your eyes and try to sleep. I'll handle things from here, okay? The whole squad will, I promise you that."

"I... I don't want them to know." Amanda begged. "I don't want them knowing in detail what he, they, did to me. Fin knows about Patton but he only got the short version. The captain knows too." she admitted, suddenly feeling embarrassed about having this happen to her twice. "I'm so stupid. So so stupid."

Watching her friend berate and blame herself was too much for Olivia to listen to and she moved her body closer to the small blonde, placing a hand on her heaving chest and rubbing her thumb across the material of the pajama. "Stop that, right now." Liv demanded. "You are not stupid. What happened to you is on them, sweetheart, not you. No one is blaming you, Amanda, so why should you? Please, don't do this to yourself."

"I should never have left the hotel. I should've just stayed inside and drink my whole bodyweight in whiskey. What was I thinking? What was I..."

"Sweetheart, stop! If the roles were reversed, if I was the one who got attacked, would you blame me for it? Would it be my fault?" her hand was still on the blonde's chest, feeling the rapid heartbeats underneath her palm.

Amanda shook her head. "You wouldn't be so stupid, Liv. You would never have gone." she cried, wiping her tears with the back of her hand, her blue eyes locked with Olivia's. "What will I do now? What's gonna happen to me?"

The older woman gently slid an arm underneath Amanda's neck and pulled her as close as she could to her own body, holding her like she was the most precious thing on earth. "First of all, you're not stupid. I will tell you that every single day if I have to until you believe me. Secondly, you don't have to do anything and nothing is going to happen to you. You are still the same person as you were before all of this happened, the same Amanda, the same great and dedicated detective and the same loyal friend and team member as always. This doesn't define or change who you are, sweetie, and Patton and the other man only have control over you of you let them. Don't let them win, hon."


	4. Chapter 4

Whiskey Through My Veins

Chapter 4

 **This is the last part of this story and, I have to warn you, it does not have a happy ending. It contains detailed description of a rape and the emotional turmoil and despair that follows.**

 **Thank you for all the reviews I've received. It truly mean a lot to me.**

Amanda laid on her back in Liv's bed, staring at the ceiling, hands clasped together and resting on her stomach while thoughts were running wildly through her head. Everything around her seemed to disappear for a while, as if she was enclosed and confined in her own little bubble. Two weeks had passed since they got back from Atlanta, all her injuries had healed, just a slight ache now and then but her emotional state was deteriorating.

The man who had raped her, Greg, was now in prison due to a DNA match from Amanda's rape kit. The man had been foolish enough to rape an NYPD detective even though he knew that his name was in the system for another rape, seven years prior. Having one of the perps locked up behind bars didn't do much for Amanda. She was relieved, yes, but her mind couldn't stop from drifting to Patton and his snarling face and his rough hands groping at her most intimate parts. He consumed her, day and night by always being there, lurking in the dark, behind every corner, in every shadow and every dream.

Greg had confessed to his crime but claiming that Deputy Chief Charles Patton had hired him to do it and that he wanted a deal. Of course, being the charming and respected man, that everyone thought he was, the claim was dropped against him and, again, he would get away with raping Amanda.

They had nothing on him and Amanda blaimed herself for it, thinking that it was her fault for not seeking medical attention and for not having a rape kit done the first time it had happened. If she had, then they would at least have one piece of evidence to go on, one bit of proof that something had happened. She felt stupid, worthless and alone. So alone.

Staying with Liv had turned out to be a really good thing. She was hardly ever on her own, since the brunette had taken some time off, much to Amanda's stern objection and she did her best to keep the blonde occupied. However, a delicate child abuse case required the brunette's presence and attention, and Amanda had been left to her own devices for most of the day.

It was now almost seven in the evening, the darkness had fallen hours ago and the chill in the air had become more piercing, crawling in through your skin and settling deep inside your bones. She had received a text message around five, saying that she hoped to be back home before seven but it didn't look like that was going to happen.

Oh, how she wished that Olivia was there with her right now, to keep her mind from drifting off to places it shouldn't, to keep her company with her calming presence. Nighttime was worse than daytime. Going to bed was not a bliss anymore, it was now something she had to force herself to do and every night she'd try to stay awake, afraid of the nightmares that were bound to come, but exhaustion always won the battle and sleep became inevitable.

She was back inside the dingy bathroom at the casino, hands held in a tight grip above her head, dress torn, panties tossed on the floor and the man, Greg, pumped hard in and out of her from behind, causing her to scream in pain and fear. She begged him to stop, begged him to at least slow down but he didn't listen and, instead, he pushed himself even harder and deeper inside of her, tearing her insides apart with every thrust.

She could feel the warm trickle of blood dripping down the inside of her thighs and onto the white cold tiles bellow, creating crimson patterns of small and large circles. His warm panting breaths were assaulting her neck, making her feel sick to her stomach, the grunting noises, the moaning and groaning and the smell of his sweat penetrated all her senses and she eventually gave up fighting.

When he was done, she could feel his warm cum slowly seeping out of her, down her legs, along with the blood. Gasping, she snapped her eyes open and immediately felt a warm wetness between her legs and her buttocks. As she sat up straight, she realised that she had wet herself in Liv's pajamas, on Liv's bed sheets and in Liv's bed. Her cheeks burnt with shame and embarrassment. What the hell had happened? Last time she wet the bed was at the age of five and she had been drinking a lot of lemonade at a friend's birthday party. Now, she was 36 years of age, barely eating or drinking, and still managed to urinate all over herself.

It was frightening and confusing at the same time as to why this had happened. She was a grown woman, for god's sake, and she couldn't even control her bladder? What was she going to do now? Quickly she stood, glanced at the clock and became aware that it was nearly eleven pm and, to her surprise, she could hear the tv playing outside in the living room.

Her heart picked up speed, thumping so violently in her chest that she found it hard to breath. The next thing she knew, Liv opened the door with a concerned look on her face and everything happened so fast that she couldn't even comprehend or fully understand what was going on.

"Amanda, you okay? I heard you crying and I..." she stopped mid sentence as she took in the blonde's distraught and shocked appearance. Amanda stood there, face flushed, chest heaving profusely, breaths coming out in short and strangled hiccups, arms and hands hovering in the air by her sides and the expression on her face held nothing but pure shock, terror, shame and confusion.

It took a few seconds for Liv to regain her composure and to mentally snap back into reality. The sight of a soaking and scared Amanda was horrifying to see and her own eyes immediately filled up with tears of compassion and empathy. "Oh, sweetheart!" she gasped, took a few steps closer and reached her hands up, ready to assist in any way she possibly could. She was about to ask what had happened but changed her mind as she could easily figure it out by herself. "Did you have a bad dream? Are you okay, honey?"

Amanda just stood there, mouth opened, ready to talk, but nothing coherent would escaped her lips. "I... I... I'm sorry, I... I don't... I don't know what... I... I'm... I... Oh, god!" her whole body began to shake as she struggled to take a breath. It felt as if her throat had completely closed up and there was no air going in or out causing her to go totally rigid and stiff, complete panic setting in.

"Honey, it's okay." Liv soothed, her hands still outstretched as she approached the fearful woman in front of her. "It was an accident, sweetie, it's okay. It's not your fault. Just calm down and try to take a breath for me." she was only a few inches away from the blonde when Amanda bolted to the bathroom, closed the door behind her and quickly locked it. "Amanda, please, unlock the door, sweetie. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You obviously had a really vivid nightmare which caused you to lose control. Come on, sweetheart, let me in so I know you're okay."

She heard the shower being switched on and knew that Amanda wouldn't listen to her, at least not right now. She sighed sadly, ran her hand down over her face and swallowed deeply. She was, somewhat, in shock herself by seeing the blonde in such an upset and panic ridden state. She felt so bad for her friend and she also understood the feeling of embarrassment. If their roles were reversed, if Olivia herself had been the one to wet the bed, she too would be embarrassed and probably run for the hills in shame.

Shaking her head in frustration, she began stripping the bed, tearing the wet sheets from the mattress and found herself feeling relieved that it wasn't soaked all the way through. She didn't think they would both fit to sleep on the couch. As the old sheets had been replaced, the shower was still running and Liv started to worry about Amanda's emotional health and state. "Honey, are you okay in there?" she waited for an answer but was met with silence. "Amanda, can you hear me? I need you to open the door, now!"

There were no sounds coming from behind the closed door, except for the steady stream of the shower and Liv was too worried for the blonde's well being to wait any longer. With one powerful kick the door was swung open, causing the hot air inside the small room to escape in the shape of a big cloud. As her view cleared she could make out Amanda's huddled form in the corner of the shower, still in her pajamas, her body still shaking from the vivid dream and the obvious shock of what had happened.

"Oh, god!" she reached inside and shut the water off. "Amanda, come on honey, it's okay. Take my hand." she whispered gently. "Please, sweetheart, just take my hand and I'll help you get dry and changed."

Amanda had her eyes closed so tightly that a headache was appearing and she had become slightly dizzy. She was beyond mortified and didn't think she would ever be able to look Liv in the eye again, not after this. She curled into herself even further, brought her legs up to her chest and buried her face in her knees, refusing to face the other woman.

"Amanda, please!" she pleaded, desperate to bring the younger woman out of her current withdrawn state. "What happened was not your fault, sweetie. It was just a reaction to the dream you had and it's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"I... I'm... disgusting." Amanda mumbled into her knees, the tone of her voice sounded broken and pitiful.

"No, sweetheart, you're not disgusting. You're far from it, my love. Could you please look at me, Amanda? You have nothing to be ashamed of. Please!" she urged gently while carefully placing a hand on her foot, the body part closest to her, rubbing the wet skin with her thumb. "Please." she whispered again, more intensely than before.

Her pleading voice must've had some sort of impact on Amanda. Slowly she brought her head up, tears clouding her vision but she could still see clearly how worried Olivia appeared to be. "Hey, sweetie, there you are. I lost you there for a minute." she smiled and continued to rub the bare foot. "Can you stand up, honey? Let's get you out of these wet clothes and into some dry ones."

The blonde shivered even though the water had been scalding hot. The pajama she wore was clinging to her body, hair dripping and plastered to her head. For a second she almost resembled a drenched little girl who was pleading to get warm and dry, starved for love and comfort. "Can I help you get undressed, sweetie? I promise I won't look and I'll be as quick as I can."

Nodding her head, Amanda took a few shaky steps towards Olivia but avoided making eye contact, still too embarrassed about her unfortunate accident. Liv grabbed a large towel, to have it close by, and slowly began to peel off the soaking garments, one by one. "Raise you arms for me, sweets." the top was pulled off and Amanda quickly covered herself with her hands, not wanting Liv to see, too disgusted by her own body and the way it had betrayed her.

Olivia didn't look, as promised, and within a couple of minutes Amanda was dry, wearing a new set of pajamas and her damp hair was pulled into a ponytail, keeping it away from her face. Nothing had been said between the two as Liv helped her change, the sound of silence spreading across the room, only the faint noise from the tv inside the livingroom could be heard. Walking back into the bedroom, Amanda noticed that the bed had been made with fresh clean sheets and her cheeks, once again, burnt with shame.

"It's okay, sweetie. Why don't we go out into the livingroom, sit down and have a little chat? I'll make us some tea. Come on, honey." Liv headed out to the kitchen, leaving a rooted Amanda behind. A chat!? A chat would, without a doubt, mean talking about what just had occurred and the dread she felt deep inside her stomach almost became overwhelming. "It's okay, honey." Liv reassured. "It's just the two of us here and there's nothing to be afraid of, I promise. Give me your hand!"

Olivia waited for Amanda to take her hand and, when she did, the coolness of her skin created a stark contrast against the brunette's warm and comforting touch. She rubbed the back of the blonde's hand with the pad of her thumb in soothing motions and gave it a gentle squeeze. "Come on, let's get you warmed up, honey."

The tea was soothing as it ran down Amanda's throat, dry from all the crying and sobbing. They were positioned on the couch and Liv had intentionally left a foots length between the two, giving the still rattled woman some space. The tv was still running but on a low volume so that a conversation could be held without difficulty due to the loud noise. Two minutes passed and neither woman had uttered a word when Liv suddenly broke the silence, keeping her tone low and soothing.

"You wanna tell me what you were dreaming about?"

Amanda reached out and placed her cup on the table, her hand trembling slightly as she did so. She wanted to tell Liv about her nightmare but she wasn't sure if the words would physically come out of her mouth. She was too distraught, embarrassed and felt simply revolting, hating herself for losing control of her body like that.

"Was it about Patton?" Liv asked, copying Amanda by putting her cup down on the wooden surface of the table in front of them. She watched as Amanda flinched slightly from hearing his name but she shook her head in answer. "Was it about Greg?" brown eyes studied the quiet blonde from the side, noticing how Amanda's breathing changed into a rapid speed and how she tried to turn her head away to avoid acknowledging that Olivia was there, talking to her, asking her to open up and free herself from the demons inside her head.

"Don't hide from me, honey. Please, I just want to help you." she surprised Amanda by laying a hand on her trembling shoulder, causing the blonde to flinch and shrug away from her, burrowing herself deep into the corner of the sofa. "Hey, I'm not going to hurt you, honey. You're safe here." Liv soothed as she held her hands up to show that she meant no harm. "Honey, please, talk to me."

Amanda felt the tears running down her cheeks and wiped angrily at them, forcing them to stop but without progress. "It... it was about... Greg." she whispered silently. "He... he was... hurting me." she sniffled, "it hurt... so bad but I... I couldn't... I couldn't stop him." crying, she hid her face in her hands as the sobs ripped through her body.

Liv swallowed at her own salty drops, that welled up in her dark brown eyes and carefully shifted closer. "Sweetie, I'm gonna touch you, okay? I'm gonna place my arm around your shoulders and..."

The older woman didn't get a chance to finish her sentence before she found her arms already full of a sobbing Amanda, clinging to her as if her life depended on it, curling up so close to Olivia they almost melted together as one. "Oh, honey!" Liv tearfully whispered into a nearby ear, stroking the blonde wet tresses of Amanda's ponytail and down her back and rocking them both from side to side.

"I'm sorry, I... I didn't mean to... to... lose control like that. It's never ha... happened before. I'm sorry, I'm so sorr..."

"I know! I know baby, it's okay, it's alright. Don't be embarrassed, sweetheart. The dream you had was obviously very real and intense and you lost control, it happens." she hugged the body in her arms closer and placed a soft kiss on Amanda's now flushed forehead. "You wanna tell me what happened, honey? You wanna tell me what he did to you, how he hurt you?" she tucked the blonde head underneath her chin, her lips touching Amanda's temple as she spoke. "Tell me, sweetheart. Tell me how he hurt you?"

She already knew the extent of the injuries Amanda had sustained during the attack but she also knew, from personal experience, that talking about traumatic events, in detail, helped the survivor to heal and cope with things better. By making Amanda face her attacker, emotionally, she would eventually realize that he couldn't hurt her anymore and that he was locked up in a prison cell, hopefully rotting away in the most inhuman way possible. "Tell me." she whispered again and covered Amanda with a blanket, shushing her softly, making sure she was comfortable.

The younger detective was almost positioned in Olivia's lap and she kept clinging to her for safety and comfort, afraid that if she let go, the brunette would somehow disappear. "We flirted." she began, her voice breaking slighty. "Inside the casino. I... I encouraged him and... and then he... he took me into the... the men's bathroom. I... I wanted to, at first, there was just something about him that I liked." her fingers started to play with the collar of Liv's top, keeping herself grounded and present.

"He... he became rough and violent inside the bathroom. He locked the door so I couldn't get out. He told me to... to turn around, spread my legs and place my hands on the wall in front of me." she paused a took a shuddering breath, feeling Liv's gentle hands brush up and down her back and arm, keeping her calm. "When I... I didn't comply straight away he... he slapped me across the face, hard, and I just did as I was told. He pulled my... my dress up and then he... he ripped off my panties, tossed them onto the floor and... and he... he complained that I... that I wasn't wet enough for him."

She felt her cheeks turn red and hot by having to reveal and confess something so personal and intimate but Olivia just continued to hold her, kissing her head and caressing her face in gentle motions as she gathered herself.

"Then he... he pushed himself inside of me... an... anally and it... it hurt so much." she blurred out, her nose stuffy from all the crying and her eyes were red raw and puffy. "When the... the blood started to drip down my legs he... he laughed and said: "Now you're wet" and then he... he pulled out and... and entered me, vaginally. He pushed so hard, so rough and then he... he came... inside of me and he straightened himself out, told me to... clean myself up and then he left."

The anger that welled up from deep inside Olivia almost scared her. It was a raw, dark and violent hatred towards the man who had inflicted so much pain onto the woman in her arms. The physical agony Amanda experienced during the attack, and days after, must've been excruciating and humiliating.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that, honey. The fear, the pain, the horror of it all. I'm so sorry." she kissed the top of her head and pulled her impossibly closer, physically pulling the blonde into her lap and cradled her like a child. "Thank you for trusting me enough to talk to me about it. I'm honoured, sweetheart, I really truly am."

Amanda had her face buried in the crook of the older woman's neck, feeling the warmth and softness radiating from the tanned skin and Olivia felt the dampness of Amanda's cheek against her collarbone, causing her heart to ache for her friend. "You're not alone in this, my love, I'm gonna be here for you, we all are, and if you need me for anything, anything at all, just let me know. I want you to know that you can trust me, sweetie. I love you." she finished with feeling and began to slowly rock them both again.

 _I love you!_ Those words meant a lot to Amanda, especially if they came from Liv. Her heart skipped a beat at Olivia's confession, a faint smile spread across her lips and she was just about to say something back when Liv's phone rang. "It's Fin." the brunette stated and answered it.

"Fin, what's up?" she asked, slightly annoyed by his awful timing.

"Liv, turn on the news, channel five." then he simply hung up.

The senior detective frowned at the seriousness and despise in his voice but did as Fin requested. As the channel switched and the news anchor came into view, Olivia could feel her blood turn cold and her anger building once more.

 _"A female Atlanta SVU detective claims to have been sexually assaulted by her boss, deputy chief Charles Patton. However, the charges were dropped shortly after as Captain Sam Reynolds could vouch for his friend's whereabouts."_

 _"There's no way chief Patton committed this heinous crime. The night when the alleged assault took place, myself and Patton was working late, preparing for a meeting we had the following day. Thanks to his strong alibi he's now in the clear."_

A short clip of Sam and Patton was shown on the screen, the deputy chief had a hand firmly placed on Sam's shoulder, his posture was strong and tall with a slight smirk on his face, as if he knew he could get away with anything and everything.

Amanda's petite body stiffened and shuddered in Olivia's embrace. "He's never gonna stop."

The End 


End file.
